Eh, It happens

Ho-ly hell. Are y'all ready for this?

Ok. So. I went this morning and voted. After I voted I went to the grocery store to get some stuff to make breakfast. I got 2 gallons of milk, sausage, biscuits, eggs and a 12 pack of soda. I get home and I am carrying all of this stuff to the door right? Well, I was wearing drawstring pants and they started to slip down a little. Now obviously I had both hands full so, I try hiking them up with my pinkie. They stay up for like a hot minute. And then it happened.

I get to the top of the stairs and right there there are 2 of my neighbors standing shooting the breeze. MY PANTS FALL TO MY ANKLES. Now, (TMI) I had on no underwear! so here I am, both hands full, hauling groceries standing completely nekkid from the waist down face to face with my 60 something neighbors.

I DROP the groceries and pick up my pants, apologizing profusely. What did they say, you ask? They said "Eh, It happens." IT HAPPENS???? NO! It does NOT happen! That's like totally and utterly embarrassing and i swear to you I am never leaving this house again.

My public service announcement

Ok so, Sophie has got a nasty cold kickin right now. Stuffy nose, icky hoarse cough. Well,2 days ago I go to walgreens. I ask the pharmacist what, if anything I can give her for her cough. She says to give her mucinex for kids. 1/2tsp every 4 hours. sure, ok, sounds good to me. So I buy it. I give it to her, on the second attempt bc she spit it at me on my first try. We go on about our day blah blah. Ok so when Sophie gets sick, Bc of her sensory integration she gets EXTREMELY out of hand. She gets very elated and hyper,almost drunk. She doesnt 'look' sick when she is sick. she looks like a maniac monkey child running around just really hyper. Anywho, towards the end of the say she starts getting VERY VERY sassy. Im talking straight out violent. Slapped me in the face twice,threw a remote at Bills head(Although I admit I secretly laughed at this)and tormented the cats more than usual. So this continues and only gets worse.

It was so bad this afternoon that I called the pediatrician BC she was completely and utterly out of hand. Im talking to the nurse and explaining to her what was going on and I nonchalantly mention that she has been taking mucinex. the nurse stops me saying "WHAT!? Well, how long has she been coughing!?!?" Uh, 3 days, constantly for 3 days.

So, the nurse is all, "OMG who told you to give her THAT?" Uh, the pharmacist did....the bottle says its for ages 2-6. Sophie is almost 3. So she continues to tell me that the AAP has not approved any cold or cough medicines for kiddos under 6 (Which I knew,but I thought they took all the disapproved stuff off the shelf!)

Apparently the active ingredient in cough meds can cause violence and erratic behavior in small children. FRICKING LOVELY. Explains EVERYTHING.

So,folks, moral of this story is: If your child is under the age of 6, Dont listen to your local pharmacist if they say it's ok to give him/her cough medicine. you will not like the outcome!

The adventures that are Sophia.

So. Sophia had a platelet transfusion set up to start at noon today. Well. It didn't quite happen that way.Let me explain why.

It was about 10:30 so I decided that we were going to have an early lunch so we could arrive a little early.So, I make Sophie and I a couple of sandwiches and I go down the hall to put the rest of my load in the wash. *SIGH*

I walk in to the dining room to find that my maniac of a lovely daughter has taken the slice of american cheese off of her sandwich and....Are you ready for this? Shoved it UP HER NOSE. Along with a few hunks of bread. O....M....G. Im freaking out. I grab the disney princess flashlight and I grab some tweezers and I wrestle the child to the ground to try and look up her nose. I can barely see the bread and the cheese anymore and she was starting to complain that is hurt. FUCK. So, I call the pediatrician. They have a nurse call me and the nurse says to go to the ER. OMG, WHAT!? I CAN'T, freaking she has a VERY important procedure scheduled! Yeah, but it was our only choice apparently. they said it could travel in to her sinus cavity and get infected and cause all kinds of problems. So I VERY hesitantly cancel the transfusion. They say if we can make it by 1pm that they would still go on with starting the transfusion.

So, off we were to the ER to get my child De-cheesed. We arrive and my precious angel REFUSES to take off the halloween bucket on her head that she has been wearing for two days claiming it is her HAT. Ok, whatEVER. I am picking my battles.Wear the damn bucket, bucket head. So we get there and we wait. we wait a little more and then we are seen. The doctor used a scope to look in her nose and she said that she could see the big globs of cheese and bread. So she leaves and comes back like forever later with this little machine that had a teeny hose attached to it. they stuck the tube up her nose(while 3 nurses and I held her down) and suctioned the gelatinized mess out of there. Her nose bled for like 2 and a half hours BC of the fact that there was CHEESE and BREAD in there. But she's is fine. We never made it to her appointment so she now goes in on the 28th. Never a dull moment, eh?

Yes Yes I notice things are different

There was a bug in my template causing issues with the way it displayed on firefox and IE so im re doing the scripting. Im going....NOW!

There is nothing good on TV at 3am

T'was the night before Monday and all through the house. Not a creature was stirring....Except for Sophie.

3am. I am snuggled warm and cozy in my bed when..."Mommmyyy!!! WAKE UP! Wake up mommy, Sophie needs to eat!" *SIGH* so I roll my frumpy, half asleep butt out of bed and hobble wobble down the hallway in to the kitchen. Sophie was already browsing the pantry. Heres how the conversation went:

Me: What would you like to eat Sophia?
Sophie: Cookies
Me: No dear. It is the middle of the night I am not giving you cookies. What else would you like?
Sophie: Chocolate cookies.
Me: Sophia.. Mommy said no cookies. You may have waffles,cereal or a special K bar.
Sophie: I want goldfish.
Me: Fine.

Yes, I fed my daughter Goldfish crackers at 3am. I do not think she will be adversely affected by this.

So, I get her situated on her Dora couch, I lay on the couch with my pillow and I flip the TV on. Infomercials,nope. Full house, Nah. Some bizarre anime crap, No thanks. Lilo and Stitch, Score. So we relax in our little spots and start watching lilo and stitch. I remember, it was 3:19am bc I had looked to see how much longer the show was one. Next thing I know the second episode of Lilo and Stitch was on. It was 3:37 and my daughter was sitting on me. Diaper less. Oh my hell. I find her pants. They were dry. Didnt see any immediate pee spots so we were good. I thought.

I go to get her a glass of milk and I.Step.In.A.Huge.Puddle.Of.Pee. omg uggh. no. yuck. Im not even wearing socks!!!!!

I just had to laugh. I was to damn tired to care.

2 parts soup / 0 parts water

Sophie and I were having our daily power struggle this afternoon and after about eh.......45 minutes of her refusing foods then agreeing to eat them so I cook them and she once again refuses them she finally agreed to eat Campbells chicken double noodle soup. Ok, fine. Not my first choice for her but its food and its easy.

I get her soup made and sit down with her at the table only to hear "mama, its yucky. Soup is yucky mama." ugggh. Again. Again she is refusing to eat what I made her. Or is she?

She kept insisting it was yucky so I tasted it. Whoa. Yeah, it definitely tasted like greasy chicken ass. Hmmm. So I look at the can. Doesn't expire until 2010. So what the hell?

Well, while I was examining the can something catches my eye 'mix soup + 1 can water' Shit! I didn't add the water. So, essentially I tried feeding my child concentrated broth. Neat.

I swear some days I actually have to look in the mirror to make sure my head is still attached.

My potato catastrophe

I think after today I will be sticking to bagged french fries. I found a super easy recipe for baked french fries so I gave it a go.

I go to wash the potatoes. THANK GOODNESS Bill walks into the kitchen and sees me washing them...With soap. Yes folks, I thought you needed to use soap to wash them to kill germs. Apparently I was mistaken.

SO. I get the potatoes washed up and I mix the coating to toss the fries in. Now, I told Bill when he went to the grocery store that I wanted 5 large baking potatoes. He comes home with 5 LBS of little ol' bitty regular potatoes. Well, whatever, I improvise. I adjusted the amount of ingredient in the coating mixture and I was so proud of them when I put them in the oven.

Fast forward 12 minutes.

I smelled something burning. Kind of like a burnt hair and onion-ish smell(Yum, right?). So I go to check the potatoes. OMG... Seriously, These things looked so decrepit and burnt. All shriveled up and sad looking. OK, I figured they'd finish cooking for the last 10 minutes and be good. Yeah,not so much. Not even edible.

So, needless to say, my homemade potato days are over.

wow I am on a roll.

This evening I put Sophie to sleep with her usual cup of ice water and went about my business. Like,2.5 hours later Bill goes in the room(She starts out the night in our bed and when we go to bed we move her) and he flops lays down on the bed....right into a huge puddle of ice water.(I actually find that tid bit quite amusing.My shirtless husband in cold cold water.PRICELESS)

He starts acting like a big girl "oh I am all wet,waaah." So,Anyways, Im trying to figure out WTF happened that the bed was soaked. "Hi,My name is Heather and I forgot to put the valve in my daughters sippy." Yeah,whoops. So I pick Sophie up so Bill can change the sheets. Poor Child is SOAKED. I mean SOAKED. In ICE WATER.

So I strip her down and carry her to her room and Bill requested a towel so open the hall closet and see that the ONLY towel in the closet is on the top shelf. So I, holding my half asleep freezing cold toddler, try grabbing the towel and pull at it and *WHAP* I knock an entire brand new 24 count mega roll package of quilted northern on her head. Nice Heather. Give the poor kid hypothermia then a cuncussion.

I swear this kid is going to need therapy...

Lets Go Dumpster Divin'!

I dont know if its the lack of sleep, sex, sanity or a combination of the three but I have been so freaking random today! Seriously, you know when you have those moments where you do something and the minute you do it you think "Now why in the hell would I go and do something like that"? For instance, I was taking the trash out this evening. My lazy ass poor poor husband was so tired that his legs apparently went paralyzed(as did his brain).

Honestly, I took the trash out to spite him. I had asked 3 times, I even said I would help! But, no, he didn't move."whatever guy. Kiss my ass." Ok, wait I got off topic,(See,very random) Ok so here I am stomping out the door with the trash and I put my keys around my wrist with one of wrist coil keychains. I had 2 bags. I threw the first then went to throw the second.... My son of a bitch keychain got stuck to the bag and the keys flung off of my wrist into the dumpster. Oh HELL no. I aint going in to get 'em. Nh uh.

So I storm back in and tell Bill that he can either A) Take his happy ass go himself and retrieve them or B) Go to autozone and make me one of each of his keys. He went and got them.