Mommy. Needs. Sleep

I hate daylight savings time. It never fails to completely screw up Sophie's already horrid sleep schedule. Princess has decided lately that naps totally suck and so by 5ish O'clock the child is miserable and in a full on ass kicking mood. She goes to bed at 5-7 and wakes super duper early therefore causing her to be more tired the following day. Its a vicious cycle that is draining every fucking ounce of energy out of my body.

Yesterday. She falls asleep at like 6:30. Sleeps soundly through the evening. All is well. HA! Mommy stays up until 3:15am feeding her addiction playing around in the blogosphere.(Man this new raspberry crystal light is badass) No sooner does my head hit my pillow and I start to drift off does she come waltzing in to the bedroom. "Ake up Mommy!!!! Ake up Noooooowwwwww!!!" Son. Of. A. Bitch. It is 4:02am when I look at the clock. Like 45 minutes of sleep.

We come out to the living room and I turn on cartoons and get her breakfast. ( Before you ask, no, she will not go back to sleep. Once she is up. She is up.) I know better than to fall asleep BC she waits for that then wreaks havoc on the house. *Shiver*

Dear Lord Baby Jesus,
Thank you for espresso. Without espresso mommy would not survive.

My public service announcement

Ok so, Sophie has got a nasty cold kickin right now. Stuffy nose, icky hoarse cough. Well,2 days ago I go to walgreens. I ask the pharmacist what, if anything I can give her for her cough. She says to give her mucinex for kids. 1/2tsp every 4 hours. sure, ok, sounds good to me. So I buy it. I give it to her, on the second attempt bc she spit it at me on my first try. We go on about our day blah blah. Ok so when Sophie gets sick, Bc of her sensory integration she gets EXTREMELY out of hand. She gets very elated and hyper,almost drunk. She doesnt 'look' sick when she is sick. she looks like a maniac monkey child running around just really hyper. Anywho, towards the end of the say she starts getting VERY VERY sassy. Im talking straight out violent. Slapped me in the face twice,threw a remote at Bills head(Although I admit I secretly laughed at this)and tormented the cats more than usual. So this continues and only gets worse.

It was so bad this afternoon that I called the pediatrician BC she was completely and utterly out of hand. Im talking to the nurse and explaining to her what was going on and I nonchalantly mention that she has been taking mucinex. the nurse stops me saying "WHAT!? Well, how long has she been coughing!?!?" Uh, 3 days, constantly for 3 days.

So, the nurse is all, "OMG who told you to give her THAT?" Uh, the pharmacist did....the bottle says its for ages 2-6. Sophie is almost 3. So she continues to tell me that the AAP has not approved any cold or cough medicines for kiddos under 6 (Which I knew,but I thought they took all the disapproved stuff off the shelf!)

Apparently the active ingredient in cough meds can cause violence and erratic behavior in small children. FRICKING LOVELY. Explains EVERYTHING.

So,folks, moral of this story is: If your child is under the age of 6, Dont listen to your local pharmacist if they say it's ok to give him/her cough medicine. you will not like the outcome!

The adventures that are Sophia.

So. Sophia had a platelet transfusion set up to start at noon today. Well. It didn't quite happen that way.Let me explain why.

It was about 10:30 so I decided that we were going to have an early lunch so we could arrive a little early.So, I make Sophie and I a couple of sandwiches and I go down the hall to put the rest of my load in the wash. *SIGH*

I walk in to the dining room to find that my maniac of a lovely daughter has taken the slice of american cheese off of her sandwich and....Are you ready for this? Shoved it UP HER NOSE. Along with a few hunks of bread. O....M....G. Im freaking out. I grab the disney princess flashlight and I grab some tweezers and I wrestle the child to the ground to try and look up her nose. I can barely see the bread and the cheese anymore and she was starting to complain that is hurt. FUCK. So, I call the pediatrician. They have a nurse call me and the nurse says to go to the ER. OMG, WHAT!? I CAN'T, freaking she has a VERY important procedure scheduled! Yeah, but it was our only choice apparently. they said it could travel in to her sinus cavity and get infected and cause all kinds of problems. So I VERY hesitantly cancel the transfusion. They say if we can make it by 1pm that they would still go on with starting the transfusion.

So, off we were to the ER to get my child De-cheesed. We arrive and my precious angel REFUSES to take off the halloween bucket on her head that she has been wearing for two days claiming it is her HAT. Ok, whatEVER. I am picking my battles.Wear the damn bucket, bucket head. So we get there and we wait. we wait a little more and then we are seen. The doctor used a scope to look in her nose and she said that she could see the big globs of cheese and bread. So she leaves and comes back like forever later with this little machine that had a teeny hose attached to it. they stuck the tube up her nose(while 3 nurses and I held her down) and suctioned the gelatinized mess out of there. Her nose bled for like 2 and a half hours BC of the fact that there was CHEESE and BREAD in there. But she's is fine. We never made it to her appointment so she now goes in on the 28th. Never a dull moment, eh?

There is nothing good on TV at 3am

T'was the night before Monday and all through the house. Not a creature was stirring....Except for Sophie.

3am. I am snuggled warm and cozy in my bed when..."Mommmyyy!!! WAKE UP! Wake up mommy, Sophie needs to eat!" *SIGH* so I roll my frumpy, half asleep butt out of bed and hobble wobble down the hallway in to the kitchen. Sophie was already browsing the pantry. Heres how the conversation went:

Me: What would you like to eat Sophia?
Sophie: Cookies
Me: No dear. It is the middle of the night I am not giving you cookies. What else would you like?
Sophie: Chocolate cookies.
Me: Sophia.. Mommy said no cookies. You may have waffles,cereal or a special K bar.
Sophie: I want goldfish.
Me: Fine.

Yes, I fed my daughter Goldfish crackers at 3am. I do not think she will be adversely affected by this.

So, I get her situated on her Dora couch, I lay on the couch with my pillow and I flip the TV on. Infomercials,nope. Full house, Nah. Some bizarre anime crap, No thanks. Lilo and Stitch, Score. So we relax in our little spots and start watching lilo and stitch. I remember, it was 3:19am bc I had looked to see how much longer the show was one. Next thing I know the second episode of Lilo and Stitch was on. It was 3:37 and my daughter was sitting on me. Diaper less. Oh my hell. I find her pants. They were dry. Didnt see any immediate pee spots so we were good. I thought.

I go to get her a glass of milk and I.Step.In.A.Huge.Puddle.Of.Pee. omg uggh. no. yuck. Im not even wearing socks!!!!!

I just had to laugh. I was to damn tired to care.

The one where mommy loses it.

Y'all. Let me tell you what. My child is kicking my ass! So,like, all of a sudden she has hit the complete independent punk ass ornery phase. There has not been a day this week that she did not pull some stunt that made me want to return her to the cabbage patch. Let me give you a little run down of Sophie's adventures.

-Monday: Sophie had been bust torturing my poor cats yet again, Chasing them with the fly swatter and whacking them. I put my cats out on the back deck for a bit to calm down and I went in to the bathroom to clean the softsoap off of the mirror that she smeared all over. Well. I hear the back door open. I go out to see what she was up to and she had snuck out on the deck and crawled behind the barbecue pit where the cat was and I catch her just as she TOSSES THE CAT OFF OF THE DECK. Yes, off of my second story deck. The cat is fine.She was just pissed.

-Tuesday: She wakes up at 4:30 Mommy was NOT ready to be up and I dozed off watching 'Harold and the purple crayon' BAD IDEA. Frickin, she got in to the pantry, got out one of her Dora snack bowls and the box of cereal and tried pouring herself a bowl of cereal and poured the ENTIRE bag all over my kitchen floor. NOTE: I made her 2 waffles and she ate those and a special K bar while I was awake.

-Wednesday: Again, wakes up at 4. I am in the kitchen at about 4:15am getting her breakfast together and when I go to get her to take her to the table she is no where to be found. I look in my room,nope. I look in her room,negative. I look in the bathroom, no sign of her. So......I look out on the back deck. Freakin she was outside, in the dark, in her pajamas, sitting in her Dora lawn chair and she had turned her Winnie The Pooh bubble machine on and she was just chilling on the deck. at 4:15am. Awesome.

-Thursday: My mother in law had the nerve to buy bought Sophie a massive barbie case FULL of Barbies. 32 to be exact. Well Princess Sophie thought it would be neat to sneak her Barbie case on to the back deck while mommy was putting clothes in the dryer. She threw each and every one of her Barbies off of the deck in to my neighbors bush.I had to go dig 32 Barbies out of a bush. Super cool.

-Friday: OK. Wow. The child kicked my ass today. Let Me tell you! She had therapy from 10 to 11 so that was my much needed alone time. I pick her up and we come home and I am getting some household chores done and I go out to the back deck and she comes with me. I was turned around sweeping out the leaves from the corner and she managed to take off her jacket and throw it off the deck. She also threw a mini sweeper thing I have and her Barbie sunglasses. So I get to go down and fish them out of the bush again. BUT GET THIS! I was wearing pajama pants, a tank top with no bra, no socks, no shoes and hair all a mess.

I go down to get the things she threw and I come back up and she LOCKED THE FRONT DOOR. Oh my damn. I knocked on that door for a good 15 minutes begging her to unlock it and she sat right at the door and talked to me but not once touched the lock. My cell phone was in the house so I go to my neighbors and ask to use her phone to call Bill in hopes that he was at his office an could bring me a key. Nope. He was 2 nd a half hours away on location.

So, I have to walk to the office which is a half a mile away to get a key. They would not bring the key to me EVEN THOUGH my TWO year old was in the apt. alone. Here I am looking like a busted ass white trash Hoosier in her care bear pajama pants and hot pink tank top,no bra, Barefoot, walking a half mile to get a damned key. I hauled ass. Frickin eh I ran there and back. I get back and what do I see?

She has unlocked the door, OPENED the door, went OUTSIDE, in her diaper and a t shirt. barefoot. She was sitting on the outside stairs playing when I got back. Oh my hell. I almost pooped my pants. She was outside ALONE!

UGH so we are headed to Home Depot to Sophie proof the back door and the deck.

But no ladies and gentlemen that's not it! No No. HERE IS THE CLINCHER. I had to go to the Hallmark store to get a birthday card for my father in law. One from us and one from Sophie. She was OK when we first got there but she was bored of looking at cards so she kept taking off. Well, I started looking at little nick knacks or whatever for him. Sophie was looking at some stickers and when it was time to go she refused to walk away from the stickers. She was demanding I buy some. uh, no, we have like a bazillion stickers at home.

So when i told her no she picked up a handful of sticker packs and throws them on the ground. As I was picking them up she grabbed a crystal Christmas ornament and hurls it. It SHATTERED everywhere. And whats better is that they made me pay for it! Damn $24.99 for that stupid ass thing. I think that was my breaking point. I broke down in the Hallmark store and was bawling and apologizing. I called Bill and asked if he could get off 15 minutes early BC I just needed a break. He got off and I got some quiet time. Now I need like a million more quiet times and Ill be good to go

2 parts soup / 0 parts water

Sophie and I were having our daily power struggle this afternoon and after about eh.......45 minutes of her refusing foods then agreeing to eat them so I cook them and she once again refuses them she finally agreed to eat Campbells chicken double noodle soup. Ok, fine. Not my first choice for her but its food and its easy.

I get her soup made and sit down with her at the table only to hear "mama, its yucky. Soup is yucky mama." ugggh. Again. Again she is refusing to eat what I made her. Or is she?

She kept insisting it was yucky so I tasted it. Whoa. Yeah, it definitely tasted like greasy chicken ass. Hmmm. So I look at the can. Doesn't expire until 2010. So what the hell?

Well, while I was examining the can something catches my eye 'mix soup + 1 can water' Shit! I didn't add the water. So, essentially I tried feeding my child concentrated broth. Neat.

I swear some days I actually have to look in the mirror to make sure my head is still attached.

wow I am on a roll.

This evening I put Sophie to sleep with her usual cup of ice water and went about my business. Like,2.5 hours later Bill goes in the room(She starts out the night in our bed and when we go to bed we move her) and he flops lays down on the bed....right into a huge puddle of ice water.(I actually find that tid bit quite amusing.My shirtless husband in cold cold water.PRICELESS)

He starts acting like a big girl "oh I am all wet,waaah." So,Anyways, Im trying to figure out WTF happened that the bed was soaked. "Hi,My name is Heather and I forgot to put the valve in my daughters sippy." Yeah,whoops. So I pick Sophie up so Bill can change the sheets. Poor Child is SOAKED. I mean SOAKED. In ICE WATER.

So I strip her down and carry her to her room and Bill requested a towel so open the hall closet and see that the ONLY towel in the closet is on the top shelf. So I, holding my half asleep freezing cold toddler, try grabbing the towel and pull at it and *WHAP* I knock an entire brand new 24 count mega roll package of quilted northern on her head. Nice Heather. Give the poor kid hypothermia then a cuncussion.

I swear this kid is going to need therapy...

How is she SO sneaky?!

It seems as of late I cant get anything done around the house without something else being colored on, broken or spilled.
I am having new furniture delivered tomorrow and I was trying to get stuff moved around so the new couch and love seat will fit. So I'm in the living room for 5 minutes and I hear water running. GREAT. I walked in the bathroom to find Sophie at the sink COVERED in soft soap. Seriously. She covered her arms, her neck, cheeks, HAIR. IT. WAS. EVERYWHERE. I stripped her down and put her in the bath tub. OK, that was a dumb move bc seeing as she was covered in soap the bath turned into a sea of bubbles. I swear it took me 30 minutes to get all that soap off of that child.
I still haven't gotten my living room ready. I'm going to have to bust my ass tomorrow to get it done. Bleh.

Poop for thought

Ha! Let me tell you a little story.

Today Sophie and I had a day free from any therapies or doctors appointments. Usually she is so tired after going to a therapy or appointment that she will crash come nap time and sleep for a good solid 2 hours. well, today was different.

I decided that I would take her to the pool this morning about 10:45 so we could swim for an hour, come in for lunch and she would take a nap. Good plan, right? WRONG. So, we come in. We eat lunch. For like the second time EVER she ate a good lunch! After lunch is nap time. I go to lay her down,we have a rule that I will lay with her BUT if she decides to play around and not lay down she gets a warning and then is put in her own bed and the safety gate is put up at her door. She thought it would be super cool to play around and jump on mommy,trying to pull my eyelashes out(yes literally). She is warned. She keeps doing it and she is put in her room to lay down.

I go back and lay on my bed and put the monitor on and what do I hear? That obnoxious Dora the explorer bike and she is riding it around her room. OK, whatever I'll give her a few minutes and see if she lays down.A couple of minutes go by and I hear her at the gate yelling "Mom! Mommy! Soapy Poptart (this is how she says her name,Sophie Baumhardt) stinks! MOOOOMMMMMMY!" OK OK I give up, I go to see what's up.

I walk to her doorway and what do I see you ask? I see my beautiful 2 year old daughter standing in her doorway,hands/face/legs and tummy covered in poop. Holding her poopy diaper and her shorts. Poop on the carpet, Poop on the dollhouse, poop on the sheets,poop EVERYWHERE!

OK, my first thought is "Well that's a sign that we need to start potty training more consistently". Then I just kind of laugh. Nothing ever surprises me anymore! LOL! I mean, In the past 2+ years I have cleaned up more messes and changed so many poopy diapers that nothing grosses me out anymore! Before I had Sophie I would have flipped the crap out at something like that. But now, I shrug it off. I've learned that I just need to laugh about life. I cant change the present so, why let stuff bother you?

I was amazingly able to get the smell out of her room. After a load of laundry, a steam clean over the carpet and a good scrubbing of her dollhouse the remnants of the poop incident were gone and she did eventually fall asleep. Ah, tomorrow's another day.